1) You’ll look manly
There is nothing more manly than
giving someone a ‘Plain old honest-to-god punch to the mouth.’ And doing it in
a bar, you almost automatically gain the respect from every person in there.
2) Scars
If you get into a fully fledged
bar fight, you are quite likely going to get punched, cut, stabbed, and
wounded. These are all great causes of scaring. If you’re lucky you might need
stitches.
3) To feel like a pirate
There is no better feeling than
jumping off a table, at someone, and shouting Arrgg!!
4) Someone hitting on your girlfriend
I wouldn’t see much sense in
taking your girlfriend to a bar. But for those of you that do, someone hitting
on them is the perfect reason to start swinging a chair.
5) Too far to walk
home
Some of you may not know this,
but hospital beds are a lot more comfortable than sidewalks. Ambulances can
also act as free taxis. If you’re lucky, you can sue the bar and your lodging
is free too.
6) Regulars
If you already have friends with
the regulars, good for you! If not; become a regular. Regulars act as an armed
guard. They generally have the backing of the bartenders, all the way to the
manager. Do you know what that means? You can fight all the newbies you want,
and not have to worry about getting banned from the bar.
7) Get laid
Women love it when you’re able to
fight off willing pursuers. Try find a women being pestered by an ogre of a
man, there’s one in every bar, and challenge him to a round of fisty-cuffs. If
you’re not unconscious by the end of it, you’ll have that women hanging on
your every whim.
8) Good exercise
If you aren’t
able to get a gym membership, or don’t have enough money, here’s a perfect
routine that you could follow:
Depending on how fit you are; run
to your nearest bar, and pick a fight with the first person you see. And
repeat.
If you’re fit enough you’ll be
able to run to five bars, cause five fights, and still be able to run home.
This is a great all-round routine
as the running helps work your cardio, and the punch-ups help work your upper
body strength.
9) To annoy
pacifists
A pacifist is
someone who does not condone fighting. They are more commonly known as hippies.
These peace lovers may try to calm you down in the middle of a fight. DO NOT
RELENT!
The easiest way to get rid of a
hippie is a slap to the face. Make sure you do it hard enough though, or else
they’ll continue to swarm your armed struggle of strength. But if it is
executed in the right manner, a hippie may be seen fleeing from the fight with
tears in his eyes, and his hands clutching his face.
10) To be able to
shout Y.O.L.O for a good reason
This one
pretty much speaks for its self.
A side note for the ladies:
Being bitch
slapped with a bar mat hurts like crap.
Acknowledgements
Kate, Chantelle, Tiffany, Emma (whocuppedmycake.wordpress.com),
and especially Alex (betruedarling.tumblr.com)
Be sure to look out for my next installment:
Top 10
pre-bar-fight drinks
&
Epic bar fight soundtracks
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